Random Blinkx of Happiiness

So, I have been absent for quite a while now. Several months in fact. Life has taken me on many unexpected turns over the past 6 months. I have gone from a married “New England” dweller to a “Beach Babe” in Southern California dating a new man. 

My marriage had been in trouble for a long time. Lots of issues that my husband just wasn’t willing to work on. Not that I am saying I am completely innocent in all this, but I can say that I tried to work on our relationship for about a year and a half before we split. We simply make better friends. As a married couple we were awful; we never spent time together, we never saw each other(from being in out own bedrooms and living rooms, even eating dinner separately), and we never talked. We talked about divorce for a long time, and our original plan was to divorce after I finished school, but a lot of things happened that made that plan difficult to follow. The main issue, or person I should say, that came into play was/is my brother in law Bob. He technically owned our house and decided to file bankruptcy on our house without telling us. So when that happened, our only option was for me to leave and for John to move in with his brother, Paul. 

We, or rather I, got a lot of flack over this. I have taken a beating via hateful words and terrible accusations. However, John and I know the truth and that’s what is important. There are many people that think I left John for another man, a man named Scott. However, Scott didn’t even come into the picture until AFTER we had already decided to divorce. As well as John having a “girlfriend” named Nicole.

So now I am living in Cali, with my love Scott. A wonderful man who treats me like a princess. He is a hard worker and is extremely kind. Although he has a “hard” or “rough” exterior, he is a true softy on the inside. He has me completely swept of my feet, and though I’ve only known him a short time, it feels as if I have been with him since the beginning of time. There is a connection with him, that I have never felt with another person. 

So from now on I will be blogging and vlogging, if I ever get back to vlogging that is, from southern Cali. A place where it is always sunny and warm, where I am now making a new life for myself and my love. I will always be grateful to John, and a part of me will always have a love for him, but my life is now starting with Scott and I am excited to be on this Great Adventure with him. 

have stolen my heart…

How do you know when you’ve met the right person? You know, that one special someone that you are destined to spend the rest of your life with. Is it something that comes with time? Something you have to grow into? Is it a relationship you have to give time to form? Does anyone really know how to define it? 

From experience it shows that everyone falls in love differently. Some fall in love with good looks, or for money, showing that over time someone can learn to love their partner. Others fall in love for personality and come to find that it takes time to form that everlasting bond. There are even some who fall in love for convenience or the want to be in a  relationship, some can make it work while others come to realize that it was a waste of years. 

I have been one of those people. I have wasted valuable years of my life trying to make a relationship work that was doomed from the start. I keep repeating this cycle. I want to find the one person whom is mine. From day one, all mine, without hesitation. Where looks, money, success, personality, everything is thrown out the window and it just feels like two souls have been joined by merely meeting.

Shouldn’t that be the definition of Love? To be so completely attached to another person, all other elements don’t matter. To love so truly without hesitation. To know from that first minute it will last forever, for life.

“And from love shall come life, and they shall blend into the perfect world.”

There’s something missing from my life. I feel left on the corner during the thunderstorm. There’s a longing, a space that is no longer full. Has been for quite some time. I feel like I’ve traded my self over to the enemies. Watching myself in third person wander throughout the days, screaming for her to wake up, but she can’t hear me. I can’t hear me. I want to be my whole self, everyday. Not a lifeless shell that walks this earth without a purpose. I want someone to complement that aspect of life. Someone who gets it, who wants it. Where neither has to settle for living secretly among the shadows. I have lived 24 years altering myself to fit into others, to please them. Giving up my hopes, dreams, ambitions, and even my own will to a few, all for the sake of making others feel comfortable. I am tired of being clay, able to be shaped into whatever whomever wants. I stand with fear, fear of abuse, fear that one day Kristina will be forgotten. Left so far in the depths of memories past, she will fade to a fairy tale. Come get me. Grab me, hold me tight, and rescue me from this fate. I am waiting for you.

Give me love like her,‘Cause lately I’ve been waking up alone.Paint spotted tear drops on my shirt,Told you I’d let them go.

And I’ll fight my corner,Maybe tonight I’ll call ya,After my blood turns into alcohol,No I just wanna hold ya,
Give a little time to me, we’ll burn this out,We’ll play hide and seek, to turn this around,All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
my my, my my oh give me love,my my, my my oh give me love,my my, my my oh give me love,my my, my my oh give me love,my my, my my give me love.
Give me love like never before,‘Cause lately I’ve been craving more.And it’s been a while but i still feel the same,Maybe I should let you go
You know I’ll fight my corner,And that tonight I’ll call ya,After my blood, is drowning in alcohol,No I just wanna hold ya,
Give a little time to me, we’ll burn this out,We’ll play hide and seek, to turn this around,All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
my my, my my, oh give me loveGive a little time to me, we’ll burn this outWe’ll play hide and seek, to turn this aroundAll I want is the taste that your lips allow
my my, my my, oh give me lovemy my, my my oh give me love,my my, my my oh give me love,my my, my my oh give me love,my my, my my give me love.
my my, my my, oh, give me love,lover….(x12)
(Long Break)
Of all the money that e’er I hadI’ve spent it in good companyAnd all the harm that e’er I’ve doneAlas it was to none but meAnd all I’ve done for want of witTo memory now I can’t recallSo fill to me the parting glassGood night and joy be with you all
Of all the comrades that e’er I hadThey are sorry for my going awayAnd all the sweethearts that e’er I hadThey would wish me one more day to stayBut since it falls unto my lordThat I should rise and you should notI’ll gently rise and I’ll softly callGood night and joy be with you all
A man may drink and not be drunkA man may fight and not be slainA man may court a pretty girlAnd perhaps be welcomed back againBut since it has so ordered beenBy a time to rise and a time to fallCome fill to me the parting glassGoodnight and joy be with you allGoodnight and joy be with you all

You make me feel like the Gloria… Instead of the Mumble…